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so short。
My first attempt at learning to fight did not go well。
Edward had me pinned in about two seconds。 But instead of letting me wrestle my way free—which I
absolutely could have—he'd leaped up and away from me。 I knew immediately that something was
wrong； he was still as stone； staring across the meadow we were practicing in。
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Tm sorry； Bella；〃 he said。
〃No； I'm fine；〃 I said。 〃Let's go again。〃
〃I can't。〃
〃What do you mean； you can't？ We just started。〃
He didn't answer。
〃Look； I know I'm no good at this； but I can't get better if you don't help me。〃
He said nothing。 Playfully； I sprang at him。 He made no defense at all； and we both fell to the ground。 He
was motionless as I pressed my lips to his jugular。
〃I win；〃 I announced。
His eyes narrowed； but he said nothing。
〃Edward？ What's wrong？ Why won't you teach me？〃
A full minute passed before he spoke again。
〃I just can't。。。 bear it。 Emmett and Rosalie know as much as I do。 Tanya and Eleazar probably know
more。 Ask someone else。〃
〃That's not fair！ You're good at this。 You helped Jasper before—you fought with him and all the others；
too。 Why not me？ What did I do wrong？〃
He sighed； exasperated。 His eyes were dark； barely any gold to lighten the black。
〃Looking at you that way； analyzing you as a target。 Seeing all the ways I can kill you 。。 。〃 He flinched。 〃It
just makes it too real for me。 We don't have so much time that it will really make a difference who your
teacher is。 Anyone can teach you the fundamentals。〃
I scowled。
He touched my pouting lower lip and smiled。 〃Besides； it's unnecessary。 The Volturi will stop。 They will
be made to understand。〃
〃But if they don't！ I need to learn this。〃
〃Find another teacher。〃
That was not our last conversation on the subject； but I never swayed him an inch from his decision。
Emmett was more than willing to help； though his teaching felt to me a lot like revenge for all the lost
armwrestling matches。 If I could still bruise； I would have been purple from head to toe。 Rose； Tanya；
and Eleazar all were patient and supportive。 Their lessons reminded me of Jasper's fighting instructions to
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the others last June； though those memories were fuzzy and indistinct。 Some of the visitors found my
education entertaining； and some even offered assistance。 The nomad Garrett took a few turns—he was
a surprisingly good teacher； he interacted so easily with others in general that I wondered how he'd never
found a coven。 I even fought once with Zafrina while Renesmee watched from Jacob's arms。 I learned
several tricks； but I never asked for her help again。 In truth； though I liked Zafrina very much and I knew
she wouldn't really hurt me； the wild woman scared me to death。
I learned many things from my teachers； but I had the sense that my knowledge was still impossibly
basic。 I had no idea how many seconds I would last against Alec and Jane。 I only prayed that it would be
long enough to help。
Every minute of the day that I wasn't with Renesmee or learning to fight； I was in the backyard working
with Kate； trying to push my internal shield outside of my own brain to protect someone else。 Edward
encouraged me in this training。 I knew he hoped I would find a way of contributing that satisfied me while
also keeping me out of the line of fire。
It was just so hard。 There was nothing to get a hold of； nothing solid to work with。 I had only my raging
desire to be of use； to be able to keep Edward； Renesmee； and as much of my family as possible safe
with me。 Over and over I tried to force the nebulous shield outside of myself； with only faint； sporadic
success。 It felt like I was wrestling to stretch an invisible rubber band—a band that would change from
concrete tangibility into insubstantial smoke at any random moment。
Only Edward was willing to be our guinea pig—to receive shock after shock from Kate while I grappled
inpetently with the insides of my head。 We worked for hours at a time； and I felt like I should be
covered in sweat from the exertion； but of course my perfect body didn't betray me that way。 My
weariness was all mental。
It killed me that it was Edward who had to suffer； my arms wrapped uselessly around him while he
winced over and over from Kate's low〃 setting。 I tried as hard as I could to push my shield around us
both； every now and then I would get it； and then it would slip away again。
I hated this practice； and I wished that Zafrina would help instead of Kate。 Then all Edward would have
to do was look at Zafrina's illusions until I could stop him from seeing them。 But Kate insisted that I
needed better motivation—by which she meant my hatred of watching Edward's pain。 I was beginning to
doubt her assertion from the first day we'd met—that she wasn't sadistic about the use of her gift。 She
seemed to be enjoying herself to me。
〃Hey；〃 Edward said cheerfully； trying to hide any evidence of distress in his voice。 Anything to keep me
from fighting practice。 〃That one barely stung。 Good job； Bella。〃
I took a deep breath； trying to grasp exactly what I'd done right； i tested the elastic band； struggling to
force it to remain solid as I stretched it away from me。
〃Again； Kate；〃 I grunted through my clenched teeth。
Kate pressed her palm to Edward's shoulder。
He sighed in relief。 〃Nothing that time。〃
She raised an eyebrow。 〃That wasn't low； either。〃
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〃Good；〃 I huffed。
〃Get ready；〃 she told me； and reached out to Edward again。
This time he shuddered； and a low breath hissed between his teeth。
〃Sorry！ Sorry！ Sorry！〃 I chanted； biting my lip。 Why couldn't I get this right？
〃You're doing an amazing job； Bella；〃 Edward said； pulling me tight against him。 〃You've really only been
working at this for a few days and you're already projecting sporadically。 Kate； tell her how well she's
doing。〃
Kate pursed her lips。 〃I don't know。 She's obviously got tremendous ability； and we're only beginning to
touch it。 She can do better； I'm sure。 She's just lacking incentive。〃
I stared at her in disbelief； my lips automatically curling back from my teeth。 How could she think I
lacked motivation with her shocking Edward right here in front of me？
I heard murmurs from the audience that had grown steadily as I practiced—only Eleazar； Carmen； and
Tanya at first； but then Garrett had wandered over； then Benjamin and Tia； Siobhan and Maggie； and
now even Alistair was peering down from a window on the third story。 The spectators agreed with
Edward； they thought I was already doing well。
〃Kate。。。；〃 Edward said in a warning voice as some new course of action occurred to her； but she was
already in motion。 She darted along the curve of the river to where Zafrina； Senna； and Renesmee were
walking slowly； Renesmee's hand in Zafrina's as they traded pictures back and forth。 Jacob shadowed
them from a few feet behind。
〃Nessie；〃 Kate said—the newers had quickly picked up the irritating nickname； 〃would you like to
e help your mother？〃
〃No；〃 I halfsnarled。
Edward hugged me reassuringly。 I shook him off just as Renesmee flitted across the yard to me； with
Kate； Zafrina； and Senna right behind her。
〃Absolutely not； Kate；〃 I hissed。
Renesmee reached for me； and I opened my arms automatically。 She curled into me； pressing her head
into the hollow beneath my shoulder。
〃But Momma； I want to help；〃 she said in a determined voice。 Her hand rested against my neck；
reinforcing her desire with images of the two of us together； a team。
〃No；〃 I said； quickly backing away。 Kate had taken a deliberate step in my direction； her hand stretched
toward us。
〃Stay away from us； Kate；〃 I warned her。
〃No。〃 She began stalking forward。 She smiled like a hunter cornering her prey。
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