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eyes were tight around the edges—careful； I could see that he was being very careful tonight。 He was
doing all he could to make me happy； to not slip and show how much this cost him。
I'd never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Jacob。
〃When did you decide to e back？〃
〃Consciously or subconsciously？〃 He took a deep breath before he answered his own question。 〃I don't
really know。 I guess I've been wandering back this direction for a while； and maybe it's because I was
headed here。 But it wasn't until this morning that I really started running。 I didn't know if I could make
it。〃 He laughed。 〃You wouldn't believe how weird this feels—walking around on two legs again。 And
clothes！ And then it's more bizarre because it feels weird。 I didn't expect that。 I'm out of practice with the
whole human thing。〃
We revolved steadily。
〃It would have been a shame to miss seeing you like this； though。 That's worth the trip right there。 You
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look unbelievable； Bella。 So beautiful。〃
〃Alice invested a lot of time in me today。 The dark helps； too。〃
〃It's not so dark for me； you know。〃
〃Right。〃 Werewolf senses。 It was easy to forget all the things he could do； he seemed so human。
Especially right now。
〃You cut your hair；〃 I noted。
〃Yeah。 Easier； you know。 Thought I'd better take advantage of the hands。〃
〃It looks good；〃 I lied。
He snorted。 〃Right。 I did it myself； with rusty kitchen shears。〃 He grinned widely for a moment； and then
his smile faded。 His expression turned serious。 〃Are you happy； Bella？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Okay。〃 I felt his shoulders shrug。 〃That's the main thing； I guess。〃
〃How are you； Jacob？ Really？〃
〃I'm fine； Bella； really。 You don't need to worry about me anymore。 You can stop bugging Seth。〃
〃I'm not just bugging him because of you。 I like Seth。〃
〃He's a good kid。 Better pany than some。 I tell you； if I could get rid of the voices in my head； being
a wolf would be about perfect。〃
I laughed at the way it sounded。 〃Yeah； I can't get mine to shut up； either。〃
〃In your case； that would mean you're insane。 Of course； I already knew that you were insane；〃 he
teased。
〃Thanks。〃
〃Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind。 Crazy people's voices don't send babysitters to
watch them。〃
〃Huh？〃
〃Sam's out there。 And some of the others。 Just in case； you know。〃
〃In case of what？〃
〃In case I can't keep it together； something like that。 In case I decide to trash the party。〃 He flashed a
quick
smile at what was probably an appealing thought to him。 〃But I'm not here to ruin your wedding； Bella。
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I'm here to 。。 。〃 He trailed off。
〃To make it perfect。〃
〃That's a tall order。〃
〃Good thing you're so tall。〃
He groaned at my bad joke and then sighed。 〃I'm just here to be your friend。 Your best friend； one last
time。〃
〃Sam should give you more credit。〃
〃Well； maybe I'm being oversensitive。 Maybe they'd be here anyway； to keep an eye on Seth。 There are
a lot of vampires here。 Seth doesn't take that as seriously as he should。〃
〃Seth knows that he's not in any danger。 He understands the Cullens better than Sam does。〃
〃Sure； sure；〃 Jacob said； making peace before it could turn into a fight。
It was strange to have him being the diplomat。
〃Sorry about those voices；〃 I said。 〃Wish I could make it better。〃 In so many ways。
〃It's not that bad。 I'm just whining a little。〃
〃You're。。。 happy？〃
〃Close enough。 But enough about me。 You're the star today。〃 He chuckled。 〃I bet you're just loving
that。 Center of attention。〃
〃Yeah。 Can't get enough attention。〃
He laughed and then stared over my head。 With pursed lips； he studied the shimmering glow of the
reception party； the graceful whirl of the dancers； the fluttering petals falling from the garlands； I looked
with him。 It all seemed very distant from this black； quiet space。 Almost like watching the white flurries
swirling inside a snow globe。
〃I'll give them this much；〃 he said。 〃They know how to throw a party。〃
〃Alice is an unstoppable force of nature。〃
He sighed。 〃Song's over。 Do you think 1 get another one？ Or is that asking too much？〃
I tightened my hand around his。 〃You can have as many dances as you want。〃
He laughed。 〃That would be interesting。 I think I'd better stick with two； though。 Don't want to start
talk。〃
We turned in another circle。
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〃You'd think I'd be used to telling you goodbye by now；〃 he murmured。
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat； but I couldn't force it down。
Jacob looked at me and frowned。 He wiped his fingers across my cheek； catching the tears there。
〃You're not supposed to be the one crying； Bella。〃
〃Everyone cries at weddings；〃 I said thickly。
〃This is what you want； right？〃
〃Right。〃
〃Then smile。〃
I tried。 He laughed at my grimace。
Tm going to try to remember you like this。 Pretend that。。。〃
〃That what？That I died？〃
He clenched his teeth。 He was struggling with himself—with his decision to make his presence here a gift
and not a judgment。 I could guess what he wanted to say。
〃No；〃 he finally answered。 〃But I'll see you this way in my head。 Pink cheeks。 Heartbeat。 Two left feet。
All of that。〃
I deliberately stomped on his foot as hard as I could。
He smiled。 〃That's my girl。〃
He started to say something else and then snapped his mouth closed。 Struggling again； teeth gritted
against the words he didn't want to say。
My relationship with Jacob used to be so easy。 Natural as breathing。 But since Edward had e back
into my life； it was a constant strain。 Because—in Jacob's eyes—by choosing Edward； I was choosing a
fate that was worse than death； or at least equivalent to it。
〃What is it； Jake？ Just tell me。 You can tell me anything。〃
〃I—I。。。 I don't have anything to tell you。〃
〃Oh please。 Spit it out。〃
〃It's true。It's not。。。 it's—it's a question。 It's something I want you to tell me〃
〃Ask me。〃
He struggled for another minute and then exhaled。 〃I shouldn't。 It doesn't matter。 I'm just morbidly
curious。〃
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Because I knew him so well； I understood。
〃It's not tonight； Jacob；〃 I whispered。
Jacob was even more obsessed with my humanity than Edward。 He treasured every one of my
heartbeats； knowing that they were numbered。
〃Oh；〃 he said； trying to smother his relief。 〃Oh。〃
A new song started playing； but he didn't notice the change this time。
〃When？〃 he whispered。
〃I don't know for sure。 A week or two； maybe。〃
His voice changed； took on a defensive； mocking edge。 〃What's the holdup？〃
〃I just didn't want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain。〃
〃You'd rather spend it how？ Playing checkers？ Ha ha。〃
〃Very funny。〃
〃Kidding； Bells。 But； honestly； I don't see the point。 You can't have a real honeymoon with your
vampire； so why go through the motions？ Call a spade a spade。 This isn't the first time you've put this off。
That's a good thing； though；〃 he said； suddenly earnest。 〃Don't be embarrassed about it。〃
〃I'm not putting anything off；〃 I snapped。 〃And yes I can have a real honeymoon！ I can do anything I
want！ Butt out！〃
He stopped our slow circling abruptly。 For a moment； I wondered if he'd finally noticed the music
change； and I scrambled in my head for a way to patch up our little tiff before he said goodbye to me。
We shouldn't part on this note。
And then his eyes bulged wide with a strange kind of confused horror。
〃What？〃 he gasped。 〃What did you say？〃
〃About what。。。 ？ Jake？ What's wrong？〃
〃What do you mean？ Have a real honeymoon？ While you're still human？ Are you kidding？ That's a sick
joke； Bella！〃
I glared at him。 〃I said butt out； Jake。 This is so not your business。 I shouldn't have。。。 we shouldn