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He would not do something that would hurt Alice。 Not right this moment。 Will you risk her life； leave her undefended？ My head fell into my hands。 Wasn t Alice s divided future Why are you doing this to me？ I groaned。 I was not Bella s protector。 enough proof of that？ I could not be that。 I love her； too。 Or I will。 It s not the same； but I want her around for that。 Love her； too？ I whispered； incredulous。 She sighed。 You are so blind； Edward。 Can t you see where you re headed？ an t you see where you already are？ the east。 See what I see It s more inevitable than the sun rising in I shook my head； horrified。 No。 I tried to shut out the visions she revealed to me。 I don t have to follow that course。 I ll leave。 I will change the future。 You can try； she said； her voice skeptical。 Oh； e on！ Emmett bellowed。 How Pay attention； Rose hissed at him。 Alice sees him falling for a human！ classically Edward！ She made a gagging sound。 I scarcely heard her。 What？ Emmett said； startled。 Then his booming laugh echoed through the room。 Is that what s been going on？ He laughed again。 Tough break； Edward。
I felt his hand on my shoulder； and I shook it off absently。 attention to him。 Fall for a human？ Esme repeated in a stunned voice。 today？ Fall in love with her？ What do you see； Alice？ Exactly； Jasper demanded。 I couldn t pay For the girl he saved She turned toward him； I continued to stare numbly at the side of her face。 It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not。 Either he ll kill her himself she turned to meet my gaze again； glaring which would really irritate me； Edward； not to mention what it would do to you she faced Jasper again； or she ll be one of us someday。 Someone gasped； I didn t look to see who。 That s not going to happen！ I was shouting again。 Either one！ Alice didn t seem to hear me。 It all depends； she repeated。 He may be just strong enough not to kill her but it will be close。 It will take an amazing amount of control； she mused。 More even than Carlisle has。 He may be just strong enough The only thing he s not strong enough to do is stay away from her。 That s a lost cause。 I couldn t find my voice。 still。 No one else seemed to be able to either。 The room was I stared at Alice； and everyone else stared at me。 expression from five different viewpoints。 After a long moment； Carlisle sighed。 Well； this plicates things。 I could see my own horrified I ll say； Emmett agreed。 His voice was still close to laughter。 to find the joke in the destruction of my life。 Trust Emmett We ll I suppose the plans remain the same； though； Carlisle said thoughtfully。 stay； and watch。 Obviously； no one will hurt the girl。 I stiffened。 No； Jasper said quietly。 I can agree to that。 If Alice sees only two ways No！ My voice was not a shout or a growl or a cry of despair； but some bination of the three。 No！ I had to leave； to be away from the noise of their thoughts Rosalie s selfrighteous disgust； Emmett s humor； Carlisle s never ending patience Worse： Alice s confidence。 Worst of all： Esme s joy。 I stalked out of the room。 acknowledge the gesture。 Esme touched my arm as I passed； but I didn t Jasper s confidence in that confidence。
I was running before I was out of the house。 I cleared the river in one bound； and raced into the forest。 The rain was back again； falling so heavily that I was drenched in a few moments。 I liked the thick sheet of water it made a wall between me and the rest of the world。 It closed me in； let me be alone。 I ran due east； over and through the mountains without breaking my straight course； until I could see the lights of Seattle on the other side of the sound。 stopped before I touched the borders of human civilization。 Shut in by the rain； all alone； I finally made myself look at what I had done at the way I had mutilated the future。 First； the vision of Alice and the girl with their arms around each other the trust and friendship was so obvious it shouted from the image。 Bella s wide chocolate eyes were not bewildered in this vision； but still full of secrets in this moment； they seemed to be happy secrets。 She did not flinch away from Alice s cold arm。 What did it mean？ How much did she know？ future； what did she think of me？ In that stilllife moment from the I Then the other image； so much the same； yet now colored by horror。 Alice and Bella； their arms still wrapped around each other in trusting friendship。 But now there was no difference between those arms both were white； smooth as marble； hard as steel。 Bella s wide eyes were no longer chocolate。 The irises were a shocking； vivid crimson。 The secrets in them were unfathomable acceptance or desolation？ It was impossible to tell。 Her face was cold and immortal。 I shuddered。 I could not suppress the questions； similar； but different： did it mean how had this e about？ And what did she think of me now？ What I could answer that last one。 If I forced her into this empty halflife through my weakness and selfishness； surely she would hate me。 But there was one more horrifying image worse than any image I d ever held inside my head。 My own eyes； deep crimson with human blood； the eyes of the monster。 Bella s broken body in my arms； ashy white； drained； lifeless。 It was so concrete； so clear。 I couldn t stand to see this。 Could not bear it。 I tried to banish it from my mind； tried to see something else； anything else。 Tried to see again the expression on her living face that had obstructed my view for the last chapter of my existence。 All to no avail。 Alice s bleak vision filled my head； and I writhed internally with the agony it caused。 Meanwhile； the monster in me was overflowing with glee； jubilant at the likelihood of his success。 It sickened me。 This could not be allowed。 There had to be a way to circumvent the future。 I would not let Alice s visions direct me。 I could choose a different path。 There was always a choice。 There had to be。
5。 Invitations High school。 I had both。 Purgatory no longer； it was now purely hell。 Torment and fire yes； No I was doing everything correctly now。 Every i dotted； every t crossed。 one could plain that I was shirking my responsibilities。 To please Esme and protect the others； I stayed in Forks。 I returned to my old schedule。 I hunted no more than the rest of them。 Everyday； I attended high school and played human。 Everyday； I listened carefully for anything new about the Cullens there never was anything new。 The girl did not speak one word of her suspicions。 She just repeated the same story again and again I d been standing with her and then pulled her out of the way till her eager listeners got bored and stopped looking for more details。 There was no danger。 No one but myself。 I was determined to change the future。 Not the easiest task to set for oneself； but there was no other choice that I could live with。 Alice said that I would not be strong enough to stay away from the girl。 prove her wrong。 I d thought the first day would be the hardest。 I would My hasty action had hurt no one。 By the end of it； I d been sure
that was the case。 I d been wrong； though。 It had rankled； knowing that I would hurt the girl。 I d forted myself with the fact that her pain would be nothing more than a pinprick just a tiny sting of rejection pared to mine。 Bella was human； and she knew that I was something else； something wrong； something frightening。 She would probably be more relieved than wounded when I turned my face away from her and pretended that she didn t exist。 Hello； Edward； she d greeted me； that first day back in biology。 Her voice had been pleasant； friendly； one hundred and eighty degrees from the last time I d spoken with her。 Why？ What did the change mean？ Had she forgotten？ Decided she had imagined the whole episode？ Could she possibly have forgiven me for not following through on my promise？ The questions had burned like the thirst that attacked me every time I breathed。 Just one moment to look in her eyes。 there No。 Just to see if I could read the answers Not if I was going to change the future。 I could not allow myself even that。 I d moved my chin an inch in her direction without looking away from the front of the room。 I d nodded once； and then turned my face straight forward。 She did not speak to me again。 That afternoon；